Older and Weiser

My son, Brian, will be married this Saturday, a happy occasion on all counts. In the year since he and Emily announced their engagement, I have been learning about my role in their wedding as “father of the groom.”

My daughter was married about 18 months ago and being the “father of the bride” was a big job. There were the financial obligations attendant to making her wedding and my role as host. It was a lot of work but it gave me things to do while she and her mother planned the big event.

The father of the groom, as I am learning, has a lot less to do. Yes, my wife and I are hosting a rehearsal dinner and seeing to the well-being of our friends and relatives attending the wedding but I have, well, a lot of down time. It’s like being the third-string quarterback, who is dressed in a uniform but unlikely to play, or a “server” in a restaurant, who neither takes the dinner order nor clears the table.

Or, in these days of Democratic Party dominance, it also seems like being a Republican member of Congress.

As father of the groom, I appreciate the feelings that go with having lost control of something for which you were once responsible. My memories of coaching Brian’s hockey team or visiting colleges with him, vivid as they are, no longer are the experiences at the center of his life. How quickly it all has gone.

It’s also hard to believe that little more than four years ago it was Republicans who controlled the House and the Senate, not to mention the Presidency. Their loss of control is as complete as it was rapid. Just 40 senators call themselves Republicans and only 179 of 435 members of the House caucus as Republicans, a 77-vote Democratic majority. Like a father of the groom, they are in attendance but nowhere near in control.

My friends in Congress who are Republicans admit to feelings of loss; loss of power, loss of privilege, loss of influence. A few cry out in frustration at inopportune or inappropriate times.

Others, however, handle their minority status with a graceful understanding of the role that remains for them to play, both as members of Congress and the loyal opposition. Their humble appreciation for the will of the majority who voted their party out of power is affirming of our democracy. They focus on issues where their voices can be heard and on crafting solutions to our country’s problems that reflect their values. Their opportunity, even in the minority, it to earn voices on these issues that rise above the size of their caucus

If Republicans are to remain a viable force in Congress, much less return to the majority, it will depend on the leadership of these members. Like most Americans, I pray for politicians with the wisdom to know they are but actors in a 233-year-old play.

This weekend, I will have a modest role in another play whose plot is only starting to be written. My opportunity to influence the lives of my son and new daughter-in-law is large but depends on adapting to my role in their new play. I also pray for the wisdom to play my new role.

Filed under: Discussion by Michael Weiser